Monday, April 9, 2012

Things you should never say to a mama...

Why is it that people think just because you have had a baby, they can dish out all kinds of advice? It actually starts when you're pregnant. Don't drink that diet coke, stay away from lunch meat, sit down, lay down, lay on this side... blah blah blah. Okay, I know some of those things are medically recommended, but why do people feel the need to enforce it? Mind your own business, folks! People make comments about the name you've chosen and how you're carrying. I don't think it's ever appropriate to comment on how big/small a pregnant lady is. Either way can hurt her feelings! I think it's great to say, "You look fabulous" or something to that affect... but any comments on how a lady is carrying can lead to worry (if baby's too big or small) or low self esteem for a mama that already feels terrible. Just keep those to yourself!!
Never... ever... give your two cents on breastfeeding. Ever. I'm guilty of this, too. But not anymore. I've had 3. Breastfeeding worked out great for us... once. It's just not something the others did well. And that's okay. As a pediatric neurosurgeon told me when I was stressing after Adelaide was born (she was a friend of Jason's... I didn't go see her about breastfeeding, ha!) we were all similac babies. It's true. Adelaide and Julianne (my two bottle babies) are healthy, happy and thriving.
Here are a few other favorites (or unfavorites, if you will):
"was this planned?" nonya.... seriously... it's none of your business. And the last thing I want is for my children to think they were some sort of a mistake. I have described one of my blessings as a "surprise." But they think of surprises as wonderful things (which she is).
"Are you trying for a boy?" As if I didn't do a good enough job the first three times. I hope and pray we are blessed with another baby. And it will probably be another girl. And that's just fine. God knows what He's doing.
"Are they all yours?" It's not like a have 30 kids... just 3. And yes, they're all mine. :)
"You're not done!?" Why do you care?
"You don't need any more." Someone seriously said this to me. Ugh. It's just as bad to tell people they should have another. The number of children people have is very personal to them and ultimately not up to them at all. If a family chooses to have one child (or is given that number by the Lord), don't make it your job to comment.
"You're in for it in the teenage years." I know. You don't have to point it out. All I can do right now is put one foot in front of the other and pray pray pray. As Mr. Kyle says in our "Kid's Sing" program for the little ones, "I will do my best, I will never give up, and I'll let God take care of the rest." That's all I can do about the teenage years. I will do my best to have my children's heart and hope and pray I make the right decisions when it's time. Don't be a naysayer.... please!


Brandie said...

I really hate the "Enjoy every moment, before you know it they'll be grown" comments. There are flat out some moments of parenting that I do not like, but I am learning to embrace those moments as part of it and have joy in them anyway. It's hard, though!!

The McKeowns said...

Brandi, you couldn't be more right! One of my favorite articles on parenting sums it up (minus the one bad word in the middle)

Mrs. Williams said...

Vistiting from Kelly Korner.
I smiled all while reading this post, good one!